Thursday, March 21, 2013

Religion post of the day

Lessons for life
found in church bulletins:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals...
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The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.
Bring your husbands.
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Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell'
to someone who doesn't care much about you...
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in
their school days.
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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow...
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of
some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5pm - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7pm there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come
prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10am. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall
after the B. S. Is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.
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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".

-
from an email from Tiamaria

1 comment:

Bob said...

This is funny. Lifted and linked here: http://bobagard.blogspot.com/2013/03/church-bulletins-can-be-source-of-humor.html