Thursday, June 25, 2015

Where are the drones?

My granddaughter took me to see the latest Jurassic park film, Jurassic World.

It actually resembles a B remake of Jaws more than the original, because the plot is about men trying to kill the monster, not about the innocent in jeopardy.

True, the kids run, but you never feel they are in real this to the horrifying scene of the original, where the raptors are chasing the kids hiding in the kitchen.

And the aunt? What a stupid lady.

Instead of running the park to do the logistics to evacuate the 12,000 visitors we have  her running around trying to save her nephews.

The evacuation should have been HER job, but like San Andreas, actually doing your job is not "sexy". In reality, a lot of people probably would have died because she didn't have her priorities straight (especially since the SEAL guy could have done a better job finding the kids without her slowing him up).

But watching someone on the phone trying to arrange a large evacuation is not as fun for a teen age male audience as watching a lady in a wet teeshirt running high heels.

Yes, for the entire movie, she is in heels and her business suit with a tight straight skirt... Of course, by the end, she has discarded the suit's jacket, leaving her only in a tank top (to please the teenaged boys in the audience)....but you know, tight fitting skirts don't have pockets, nor do tank tops: so how can she carry her cellphone (in her cleavage?).

But the real problem is the failure of park security to have a way to kill dinosaurs, even though the danger of escape is a known risk.

Because they were carrying ordinary military guns (only the one on the helicopter would kill that large a beast, said one webblog). And the bullets didn't seem to work very well, Presumably they were ordinary bullets, not the type that make a big hole when it hits you, or bullets that can pierce an armoured vest (or tough skin).

Come to think of it, why send men out with rifles at all?

I kept yelling: Where are the drones with the hellfire missiles".

I mean, even when the crazy guy called in the military, they didn't seem to be able to get anything more advanced than what Jesse Ventura carried in the original film Predator (only one weapon that shot a hand grenade, for example, and he got off only one shot).

The "explanation" was that they didn't want to kill these poor animals. Right. So let the dinosaurs kill the security guards instead.

And there is a crazy subplot about GM modification to make the dinosaurs into weapons (uh, fellahs, the Ape in the book Watchers would be just as scary and a lot more smarter and lethal).

The crazy guy who was supposed to be in charge of the weaponizing of dinosaurs was just that: crazy. He would be too unstable to be in the military. But again, that is Hollywood dissing the military, and has more to do with their agenda than with reality.

The irony is that the way that they destroyed the large dinosaur is the way that the crazy guy suggested: Sic the raptors and other dinosaurs on him. Imagine that...

In other words, a b movie but probably better than what else is out there. But if you want a good movie, watch the original.

And am I the only one who thinks that monster dino resembles Smaug without wings?

Maybe instead of yelling "You Need a BIGGER GUN" the audience should have yelled: "you need a  bigger trebuchet". (And a magic black arrow, preferably with an explosive tip).

Why not? It worked for Bard the Bowman...

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