and an "adopt a hedgehog" link
headsup from cuteoverload...
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance enginee
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
A Marmite spokesman said: "You either love it or hate it and mosquitoes are clearly not in the former category."
The New Alphabet
A is for Apple, and B is for Boat,
That used to be right, But now it won't float!
Age before Beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C is the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;
I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget ! what comes next
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!
P for prescription's, I have quite a few, just
give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T for Tinnitus; there's bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know.
W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have-- in my mind.
I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,
And I am keeping twenty-six 'doctors' fully employed!!!
"Meantime, poor PatriotPartner is in San Francisco for work this weekend and is surrounded by thousands of moonbats. He reports the crowds look larger than they really are because they are all walking in a circle. He’s seen the same signs twice in less than an hour. He also says the protestors haven’t seen the inside of a shower in about a week, and are mainly comprised of senior “Sixtian” hippies.
And he also agrees with ATG’s observation:" this is mostly an anti-American, anti-Bush protest…. not a anti-war protest. Of course, it is being run by the last vestige of Communism on earth — A.N.S.W.E.R. — so what else would you expect?"
... no one makes drop-dead Desperate Housewife Eva Longoria happier than her older sister Elizabeth, born mentally disabled 37 years ago with Down's syndrome.....
"Whatever I do, Elizabeth is proud of me. Hers is the first face I want to see when I go home. She's just the most special, inspirational person."
Eva plays spoiled adulteress Gabrielle Solis in the hit Channel 4 TV series, where she has an affair with gardener John Rowland, played by Jesse Metcalfe.