Q: What do you call ten rabbits marching backwards?
A: A receding hareline.
Q: What do you call a sleepy Easter egg?
A: Egg-zosted!
Q: Why was the Easter Bunny so upset?
A: He was having a bad hare day!
Q: How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself?
A: With a hare dryer!
Q: "Why are you studying your Easter candy?"
A: "I'm trying to decide which came first-the chocolate chicken or the chocolate egg!"
Q: What happened when the Easter Bunny caught his head in the fan?
A: It took ears off his life!
Q: What's the difference between a bunny and a lumberjack?
A: One chews and hops, the other hews and chops.
your email of the day from Col Updraft
FINEST KIND CLINIC AND FISHMARKET.... Discussing medicine, culture, and the joys of cooking Pansit.
Showing posts with label Col Updraft. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Col Updraft. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 02, 2013
Friday, March 29, 2013
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Wednesday, October 03, 2012
Synchronized metronomes
Synchronized Metronomes.
video link
Heh...we still have our ancientclockwork style metronome here in the Philippines (for Ruby, our grandchild, to use to practice piano).
your headsup of the day from Col Updraft.
video link
Heh...we still have our ancientclockwork style metronome here in the Philippines (for Ruby, our grandchild, to use to practice piano).
your headsup of the day from Col Updraft.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Sunday School lesson for today
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever.
She left work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication.
She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car.
She didn't know what to do.
She called home and told the baby sitter what had happened.
The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said: "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car.
She looked at the hanger and said : "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her HELP.
Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up.
A bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought: "This is what you sent to help me?"
However, she was desperate. She was also very thankful!
The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.
She said: "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I ’ve locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said: "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened.
She hugged the man and through her tears she said : "Thank You SO Much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied: "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of PRISON yesterday, I was in prison for car theft."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud:
"Oh, thank you God! ..........You even sent me a Professional!!"
-----------------------
sent to me by both TiaMaria and Col Updraft.
She left work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication.
She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car.
She didn't know what to do.
She called home and told the baby sitter what had happened.
The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said: "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car.
She looked at the hanger and said : "I don't know how to use this."
She bowed her head and asked God to send her HELP.
Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up.
A bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.
The woman thought: "This is what you sent to help me?"
However, she was desperate. She was also very thankful!
The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.
She said: "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I ’ve locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"
He said: "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened.
She hugged the man and through her tears she said : "Thank You SO Much! You are a very nice man."
The man replied: "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of PRISON yesterday, I was in prison for car theft."
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud:
"Oh, thank you God! ..........You even sent me a Professional!!"
-----------------------
sent to me by both TiaMaria and Col Updraft.
How to talk like a pirate
Pirate Phrases
Aaaarrrrgggghhhh! - exhortation of discontent or disgust
Ahoy! - Hello!
Ahoy, Matey - Hello, my friend!
Ahoy, me Hearties! - the same as saying "Hello, my friends!"
All hand hoay! - comparable to all hands on deck
Avast ye - stop and check this out or pay attention
Aye - yes
Batten down the hatches - put everything away on the ship and tie everything down because a storm is brewing
Bilge-sucking - insult
Blimey! - exhortation of surprise
Blow me down! - expression of shock of disbelief akin to "Holy Crap!"
Blow the man down - command to kill someone
Booty - treasure
Buccaneer - a pirate
Bucko - a buccaneer
Cat O'Nine Tails - a whip with nine strands
Corsair - pirates in the Mediterranean Sea
Crow's nest - small platform atop the mast where the lookout stands
Cutlass - short heavy curved bladed sword used by pirates
Davy Jones' Locker - fabled, mythical place at the bottom of the ocean where the evil spirit of Davy Jones brings sailor and pirates to die
Dead men tell no tales - phrase indicating to leave no survivors
Doubloons - other coins or found in pirate hoards and stashes
Feed the fish - will soon die
Hang 'im from the yardarm - punishment of those captured in battle
Head - the pirate ship's toilet
Heave Ho - give it some muscle and push it
Hempen Halter - a noose for hanging
Hornswaggle - to defraud or cheat out of money or belongings
Jacob's Ladder - the rope ladder one uses to climb aboard a sloop
Jolly Roger - pirate's flag including white skull and crossbones over a black field
Keelhaul - punishment in which a person where dragged underneath the pirate ship from side to side and was lacerated by the barnacles on the vessel
Lad, lass, lassie - a younger person
Landlubber - big, slow clumsy person who doesn't know how to sail
Letters of Marque - letters issue from governments during wartime to privateers endorsing the piracy of another vessel
Man-O-War - pirate's ship outfitted for battle
Me - my
Mizzen - third mast from the bow of the ship on ships that have three or more masts
Old Salt - an experienced sailor
Pieces of eight - coins or found in pirate stashes
Pillage - rob, sack or plunder
Poop deck - the part of the ship farthest to the back, which is usually above the captain's quarters. This is not the bathroom.
Privateer - government-sponsored pirates
Rum - pirate's traditional alcoholic beverage
Run a shot across the bow - warning shot to another vessel's captain
Savvy? - do you understand and do you agree?
Scallywag - mild insult akin to rapscallion or rogue
Scurvy dog - the pirate is talking directly to you with mild insult
Scuttle - to sink a ship
Seadog - old pirate or sailor
Shark bait - will soon join Davy Jones' Locker
Shipshape - cleaned up and under control
Shiver me timbers! - comparable to "Holy Crap!"
Son of a Biscuit Eater - insult directed towards someone you don't like
Thar she blows! - Whale sighting
Three sheets to the wind - someone who is very drunk. One sheet is mildly drunk and four sheets is passed out.
Walk the plank - punishment in which person walks off a board jutting over the side of the ship while at sea. The consequence is drowning and a visit to Davy Jones' Locker.
Weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen! - pull up the anchor and the sail and let's get going
Ye - you
Yo Ho Ho - cheerful exhortation to demand attention
-------------------------
your email of the day from Col Updraft
Aaaarrrrgggghhhh! - exhortation of discontent or disgust
Ahoy! - Hello!
Ahoy, Matey - Hello, my friend!
Ahoy, me Hearties! - the same as saying "Hello, my friends!"
All hand hoay! - comparable to all hands on deck
Avast ye - stop and check this out or pay attention
Aye - yes
Batten down the hatches - put everything away on the ship and tie everything down because a storm is brewing
Bilge-sucking - insult
Blimey! - exhortation of surprise
Blow me down! - expression of shock of disbelief akin to "Holy Crap!"
Blow the man down - command to kill someone
Booty - treasure
Buccaneer - a pirate
Bucko - a buccaneer
Cat O'Nine Tails - a whip with nine strands
Corsair - pirates in the Mediterranean Sea
Crow's nest - small platform atop the mast where the lookout stands
Cutlass - short heavy curved bladed sword used by pirates
Davy Jones' Locker - fabled, mythical place at the bottom of the ocean where the evil spirit of Davy Jones brings sailor and pirates to die
Dead men tell no tales - phrase indicating to leave no survivors
Doubloons - other coins or found in pirate hoards and stashes
Feed the fish - will soon die
Hang 'im from the yardarm - punishment of those captured in battle
Head - the pirate ship's toilet
Heave Ho - give it some muscle and push it
Hempen Halter - a noose for hanging
Hornswaggle - to defraud or cheat out of money or belongings
Jacob's Ladder - the rope ladder one uses to climb aboard a sloop
Jolly Roger - pirate's flag including white skull and crossbones over a black field
Keelhaul - punishment in which a person where dragged underneath the pirate ship from side to side and was lacerated by the barnacles on the vessel
Lad, lass, lassie - a younger person
Landlubber - big, slow clumsy person who doesn't know how to sail
Letters of Marque - letters issue from governments during wartime to privateers endorsing the piracy of another vessel
Man-O-War - pirate's ship outfitted for battle
Me - my
Mizzen - third mast from the bow of the ship on ships that have three or more masts
Old Salt - an experienced sailor
Pieces of eight - coins or found in pirate stashes
Pillage - rob, sack or plunder
Poop deck - the part of the ship farthest to the back, which is usually above the captain's quarters. This is not the bathroom.
Privateer - government-sponsored pirates
Rum - pirate's traditional alcoholic beverage
Run a shot across the bow - warning shot to another vessel's captain
Savvy? - do you understand and do you agree?
Scallywag - mild insult akin to rapscallion or rogue
Scurvy dog - the pirate is talking directly to you with mild insult
Scuttle - to sink a ship
Seadog - old pirate or sailor
Shark bait - will soon join Davy Jones' Locker
Shipshape - cleaned up and under control
Shiver me timbers! - comparable to "Holy Crap!"
Son of a Biscuit Eater - insult directed towards someone you don't like
Thar she blows! - Whale sighting
Three sheets to the wind - someone who is very drunk. One sheet is mildly drunk and four sheets is passed out.
Walk the plank - punishment in which person walks off a board jutting over the side of the ship while at sea. The consequence is drowning and a visit to Davy Jones' Locker.
Weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen! - pull up the anchor and the sail and let's get going
Ye - you
Yo Ho Ho - cheerful exhortation to demand attention
-------------------------
your email of the day from Col Updraft
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Universal Laws
Law of Mechanical Repair -After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers- If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
Variation Law
-If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will
always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result- When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena -
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle,
always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several
times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before
the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle
seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies
and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are
very surly folk.
The Coffee Law -
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you
to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Physical Surfaces -The
chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor,
are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
Law of Logical Argument- Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law of Physical Appearance -If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
Oliver's Law of Public Speaking- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Doctors' Law
- If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by
the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an
appointment, and you'll stay sick.
your email of the day from ColUpdraft
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Trivia lesson of the day
7H15 M3554G3
53RV35 7O PR0V3
H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N
D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5!
1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5!
1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG
17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3
Y0UR M1ND 1S
R34D1NG 17
4U70M471C4LLY
W17H 0U7 3V3N
7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17,
B3 PROUD! 0NLY
C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15.
Your email of the day from Col Updaft
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Reason Two hundred and eleven on why I retired to a tropical paradise
Col. Updraft reported seeing his first snowman of the season.
Saturday, September 03, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Monday, April 04, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Growing up in the good old days
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot... BOTH ways...yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to tell my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!
1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!
2) There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!
3) Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!
4) There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!
5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless.
6) We didn't have Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!
7) There weren't any cell phones either. If you left the house, you actually had to be out of touch with your "friends".
8) And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
9) We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen.. Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! And channel surfing? Forget it. You had to get up and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!!
11) There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons.
12) And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove!
13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!
And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for wanting to sit in front in the first place!
See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970.
Your email of the day from Col Updraft.
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to tell my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!
But now that I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!
1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!
2) There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!
3) Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!
4) There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!
5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless.
6) We didn't have Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!
7) There weren't any cell phones either. If you left the house, you actually had to be out of touch with your "friends".
8) And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
9) We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen.. Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! And channel surfing? Forget it. You had to get up and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!!
11) There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons.
12) And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove!
13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!
And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for wanting to sit in front in the first place!
See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970.
Your email of the day from Col Updraft.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Sunday School lesson for today
Sunday school lesson for today from Col Updraft:Greetings,
Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'
And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me.
Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal and God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.
And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'
And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted.
And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'
And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
[]
And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings they thought they were.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved
And God was pleased...
And Dog was happy.
And Cat .. .
didn't care one way or the other.
Adam and Eve said, 'Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you anymore. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us.'
And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me.
Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves.'
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal and God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.
And Adam said, 'Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal.'
And God said, 'I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG.'
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted.
And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, 'Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well.'
And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration.'
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
[]
And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings they thought they were.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved
And God was pleased...
And Dog was happy.
And Cat .. .
didn't care one way or the other.
Friday, June 18, 2010
School Sports cartoon for the day
for my grandkids who are in swim teams.
Email of the day from Col Updraft
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Points to ponder
>1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
>
>2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
>
>3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
>
>4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
>
>5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
>
>6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
>
>7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
>
>8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
>
>9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game"
>
>When we are already there?
>
>10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?
>
>11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
>
>12.. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
>
>13.. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
>
>14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
>
>15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
>
>16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
>
>17.. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
>
>18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
>
>19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
>
>20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
>
>21.. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control
>
>When you know the batteries are dead?
>
>22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
>
>23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
>
>24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
>
>25.. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
>
>26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
>
>27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a
>dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
>
>28.. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?
your email of the day from Col. Updraft
>
>2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
>
>3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
>
>4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
>
>5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
>
>6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
>
>7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
>
>8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
>
>9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game"
>
>When we are already there?
>
>10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?
>
>11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
>
>12.. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
>
>13.. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
>
>14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
>
>15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
>
>16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
>
>17.. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
>
>18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
>
>19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
>
>20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
>
>21.. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control
>
>When you know the batteries are dead?
>
>22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
>
>23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?
>
>24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
>
>25.. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
>
>26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
>
>27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a
>dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
>
>28.. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?
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