R.C. LITE

Scott Ott's take on the NYTimes/Katie Couric/Matthew Fox/Maureen Dowd complaints about the new pope...

R.C. Lite will elect its own leader to the largely ceremonial post of New-World Pope. Thorny moral questions in the new religious sect will be decided by Internet polling, the results of which will provide non-binding guidance to church members......."We need a pope with nuanced ideas," said one unnamed U.S. Bishop. "He needs to be a uniter, not a divider. He can't be afraid to change his deeply-held convictions in light of shifting public opinion. He must be courageous enough to keep his beliefs separate from his behavior and decision making."

John Kerry, call your office...