Alphabet for those over 50

Email from Colonel Thermal Updraft:

The New Alphabet

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A is for Apple, and B is for Boat,
That used to be right, But now it won't float!
Age before Beauty is what we once said,
But let's be a bit more realistic instead.
Now:

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A's for arthritis;
B's the bad back,
C is the chest pains, perhaps car-d-iac?
D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.
H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;
I for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.
L for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget ! what comes next
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!
P for prescription's, I have quite a few, just
give me a pill and I'll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R for reflux, one meal turns to two.
S for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T for Tinnitus; there's bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know.
W is for worry, NOW what's going 'round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I'm left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have-- in my mind.


I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,
And I am keeping twenty-six 'doctors' fully employed!!!