Headlines of the day you might have missed

(some rewritten for clarity)

Lobster discovered...looks like Sharon Stone.
and speaking of lobsters:

the so called giant freshwater lobster is actually giant and lives in freshwater.
(I'm glad they cleared that one up)

2.7 million dollars donated to GW Heart Center
(evil Cheney strikes again)

The Russians are coming! the Russians are Coming!

well, Borachay is a bit warmer than Vladavostok in December...and Gloria is prettier than Putin...

Clinton: "Palestinians elected Hamas because they promised to make the buses run on time,"

hmm...didn't they used to say that about Mussolini?

But things are not as bad as they used to be:

Before Islam, the Arabs fought for 40 years to defend the honor of a female camel.
See. It's not Islam that's crazy, it's the Arabs...

US Military Desertion rates fell since Sept 11...
but if you wouldn't know it from the original headline

AMA Poll: Drunken sexual escapades at spring break leads to drunkeness and sex...
glad they noticed. Next they'll discover falling down causes bruises, or smoking causes nicotene addiction

And speaking of addiction:
Terrorism is merely an addiction can be cured.
Deprogram terrorists and they'll turn into Mr. Rogers...

Ah, but will they still be able to fly kites when they are cured?

Don't fly that kite
if you make kites illegal, only terrorists will have kites.

and remember, just because a country is part of the axis of evil doesn't mean it doesn't have these awardwinning songs:

A new idea for a Madonna video
Song of the Coast Artillarywoman

Well, it beats songs crying for a pimp..