Thursday, May 25, 2006

Chocolate rules (Take three)

  • If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

  • Clearly, chocolate is a vegetable. Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. A bean is a vegetable. Wait! There's more! Sugar is derived from either sugar cane or sugar beets. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. QED: chocolate is a vegetable.

  • Chocolate-covered raisins, -cherries, -orange slices and -strawberries all count as fruit. Eat as many as you want. Fruits are an important part of the Food Pyramid.

  • Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off Your appetite and you'll eat less.

  • If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

  • Money talks. Chocolate sings.

  • Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, chocolate is therapeutic.

  • Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

  • A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

  • If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?


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