Why did the chicken cross the road? Egghead version

Albert Camus: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.
Gilligan: The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail - the chicken would be lost. The chicken would be lost!
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
Java Chicken: If your road needs to be crossed by a chicken, the server will download one to the other side. (Of course, those are chicklets)
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.
Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna work miracles, Captain!
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own freewill.
Sir Isaac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road. ...