Politically correct cat definitions

	The cat does not barf hairballs; he is a floor/rug redecorator.
	The cat does not break things; she helps gravity do its job.
	The cat does not fear dogs; they are merely sprint practice tools.
	The cat does not scratch; he is a furniture/rug/skin ventilator.
	The cat is not a bed hog; he is a mattress appreciator.
	The cat is not evil; she is badness enhanced.
	The cat is not fat; he is mass enhanced.
	The cat is not lazy; he is motivationally challenged.
	The cat is not underfoot; she is shepherding me to the next destination, the food dish.