Robots!

Read the link...he discusses the Japanese rules for their robots, and then provides some of his own...

• Rule #1 - No robot at any time shall harm another member of the human race in any way.
• Rule #2 - The following people are exempt from Rule #1: Osama Bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, Abu Musab al Zaqwari, Ayman Al-Zawahiri, and the composer of the song "Clowns Never Laughed Before," as heard on TV's The Brady Bunch.
• Rule #3 - Robots are permitted to rough up O.J. Simpson, Tom Cruise, and Donald Trump. In the case of the last one, there shall be no hair mussing, as it would go completely unnoticed. Robots may only tease Martha Stewart and Paris Hilton.
• Rule #10 - Any robot who begins to behave illogically shall be immediately employed by the government.

(headsup from those nutty robotloving neocons at the corner)