Tartan Day jokes

Great Events in Scottish History:

1326 - The game of golf was invented in Scotland, followed shortly thereafter by the invention of the word "DAMMIT!"

1410 - Drinky MacDrunkard discovered how to make single malt scotch. He was then beaten to death by his neighbors when they found out they had to wait 12 years before they could drink it.

1453 - Kurt MacCobain invented the plaid flannel kilt and followed it up with his hit song "Smells Like Distilled Spirits"

1623 - The Scots invented money. That same year, they also invented tight-fisted skinflintery.

1697 - By a three-vote margin, the Scots lost the "Brawlingest Drunkards" award to the Irish. A title which the Irish still hold to this day.

1724 - Smartass MacJoker entered his newly created dish, haggis, into the Betty MacCrocker Cooking contest as a prank. The judges, being three sheets to the wind at the time, picked it as the winner, and the culinary atrocity has been a Scottish staple ever since.