Non Politically correct ethnic jokes of the day

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> A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson
> who is coming to visit with his wife.
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> "You come to the front door of the apartments. I am in apartment
> 301.
> There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside and the elevator is on the right.
> Get in, and with your elbow, push 3rd Floor. When you get out,
> I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell. OK?"
>
> "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow? .........
>
> "What . .. . .. .. You're coming empty handed?"
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> Wise Italian Grandfather
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> An old Italian man in Brooklyn is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my  chrome  plated ...38 revolver so you will always remember me."
>
> "But grandpa, I really don't like guns.. How about you leave me  your Rolex watch instead?"
>
> "You lissina me, boy! Somma day you gonna be runna da business,
> you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe  a couple of bambinos. "
>
> "Somma day you gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna  bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and  say,  'Times up!' "?
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> Irish blonde...
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> An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino.
> She  seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a  single  roll of the dice.
>
> She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when  I'm  completely nude." with that, she stripped from the neck down,  rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama  needs new clothes!"
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> As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed.
> "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!" She hugged each of the dealers, picked up her  winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
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> The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.
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> Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other  answered, "I  don't know - I thought you were watching."
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> MORAL OF THE STORY
>
> Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb,
> .... but all men...are men!
>
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> ____________________________________________________
>
> Global Facts About Sex
>
> At any given moment:
>
> FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex - right now.
> FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
> FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
> FACT: 1 old person is reading emails.
>
> You hang in there, sunshine!
>
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